The Accidental Video Game Porn Archive
December 13, 2004:
On the twelve days of Christmas,
Naughty Pixel gave to me
Twelve robots raping,
Eleven sumos squatting,
Ten Fygars squirting,
Nine dragons sucking,
Eight zombies 69-ing,
Seven Sims a-streaking,
Six dudes a-laying,
FIVE GOLDEN KEYS! (being humped)
Four Octopus Holds,
Three sexy Night Elves,
Two fists up my butt,
And a Starfox self-fellating in a tree!
This week's contributers: Mike Snyder, Elizabeth Nguyen, A-kun, APR, Nate, SinSlave, Robert Lantry, Robert Freeman, General Kruge, jawser, João Salvio, Vindic@tor, David De Bels, k g, Todd, Jonathan Fogg, Josh free, Javier Pante Pérez, Doggone, Mir4dawin, Úlairë Enquëa, jozefa gawel, Lacquerhead, The Dude.
What a hell of a months, my friends! My pr0n ninjas are everywhere, we have found pr0n in nearly all new games as soon as they come out! Thank you for putting "accidental video game porn" on the map! All the new submissions can be seen in the Gallery, okay peoples! Happy Holidays and see you next years! Oh, but first some male:
MAIL OF THE MOMENT:
Ok, first off, i love the site, there's nothing funnier than seeing so many sexual innuendos found in some of my favorite video games. Recently I downloaded a video trailer for the ps2 game(duh) Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. At the end there is a scene where a huge man grabs and crunches a Raiden look-a-likes balls. It may not be accidental, but hilarious and I when saw this I thought of the site. I removed that scene from the rest of the original trailer video and turned it into it's own clip. I attached it with this e-mail, hopefully you'll find it as funny as I did and add it to your site.
Kato responds: "Hey, Rob, do not lie! You felt sexy after watching that, no? Anyway, awesome clip, dude, thanks! Here is video (670 kb).
Signing off once again, my friends! -NP
October 19, 2004: Oh ho ho, my friends! Today is a good day for the porn! Many new submissions, many new games. And I could hardly believe my eyes, but I did not receive any more pics from Super Smash Bros! Hurray!
A special thanks to my grateful brother, Masamune, for filling in for me while I was ill. I should not have had that last bottle of sake on my birthday... I am shamed to say that I put my little samurai in the Nintendo if you know what I mean. Burnt samurai is no good! But I just could not resist the gentle call of that little box - so cute!
Special thanks to Demon Xanth, Dr. Trunks, John, Justin, Kamidake Evil, Mário aka UoBtEx_FODA, Sean Stuart, Shawn Feezer, and (once again) Zork for all their hot contributions. General Kruge, you are the king of the Pr0n this time, however, with three great submissions! The most submitting game was Doom 3 - I guess those ragdoll physics are very good, yes?
Hmmm, la dee da, I am looking on the Internet. La dee da... oh, let us visit SomethingAwful.com. I always visit during update, you know. Let us see, what is Awful Link of the Day...
WTFLOLROFL?!! Why, the Awful Link of the Day is none other than this very site, ladies and gentleman! Ah... ah? Let us take a look at what is said, and perhaps I will comment on this, okay!
AWFUL LINK OF THE DAY (Update by Jedidiah "Jed" Kirchner)
The Accidental Video Game Porn Archive (thanks Mr97) - WOW THIS IS SOME HOT VIDEO GAME PORN ACTION! I AM ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT!
NP: I know, that is what I thought to myself as well!
Note how the webmaster of The Accidental Video Game Porn Archive has cleverly hidden all the porn in the above porn image. He's clearly trying to make an artistic statement about how the human imagination is a casualty of the information age. This site may just save your mortal soul.
NP: Are you retarded mentally, my friend? I did not make this image! It was sent to me in an e-mail! Also, this is not a porn pic on my site! Just front page filler sprite! So Please RTFM, thank you!!!
"Many thanks go to insert credit for linking this wonderful website. They are also very wonderful, so visit them as well."
NP: I said this, yes I did.
Hey, that's great. While you're at it why not link to Penny Arcade so we can have one big sloppy circle jerk of gay. Oh yeah, I totally just went there.
NP: I get this fucking shit because I thank a site for linking me? I do not understand!! Why are you so mean, "Jed"? And where did you go? To college? To the supermarket? I cannot comprehend your words, my friend. Why cannot I link to insert credit or Penny Arcade? Is it a crime to link on the Internet? Did not you link to my site!! You must also be in the gay circle of jerks!
That is just not fair! Why is this an awful site? If it is so awful, then why did i-mockery take my ideas!! I AM GETTING CONFUSED, my friends. I thought I understood this thing called the Internet, but now I do not. Please, why is it not funny and entertainment to display erotic picture of video games, but it is funny to have an old man make fun of ugly people? Is that not Fat Chicks in the Party Hats anyway? Why can I not show Pikachu in doggystyle position, but if you Photoshop Adolf Hitler into Star Wars poster on Phriday it is okay and funny??
Funnyman Mister Jeb (if that is indeed your true name), I do not understand why you attack me thus. You like video games, do you not? Or else you would not write an article titled "My Quake 2 Level" (which you post right above link to my site). Your article, I will not read it because it is too long, but you say you are 21-years old and a virgin. Perhaps you would find pleasure in my images, no?
I am saddened, my friends, because of these attacks on my site from sites that talk about Dungeons and Dragons and Quake 2 on the same page. Those who appreciate the lustiness of video games and roleplaying must not attack each other. SomethingAwful, I no longer visit you. You lose a fan, because I realize that you just make fun of stuff. That is it. And no matter how many Goonies you send to make fun of me, I will not visit you. But I have the true heart of a warrior. Signing myself off. -NP
P.S. Next time link my front page so I get the hit counter, beech!
August 11, 2004: Ha ha, long time no update! However, this is not Kato Tanaka, it is I, Masamune Tanaka - his brother! My poor brother has been ill these past month, but still he is hopelessly addicted to looking at video game porn! It is really sick, man! He just sit there with laptop in bed all day long, but he say he can't update.
Anyway, it is my extreme displeasure to present these perverts who have sent in the disgusting images this time: Zork, Taylor, Morbo, Chase AKA Timmy, Eric Hartman, Tate Russell, and Mikko Torniainen. I will eventually have to kill you all with a sword to redeem my family's honor - the Tanaka name has been tarnished by my brother's disgusting habits!
Oh yeah, Kato wants me to tell you that the e-mail address is changed. Now it is naughtykato(at)yahoo.com. He say that it was too confusing to share e-mail address with Derek and also the mailbox was too small or something. I don't really understand, but that's what he said. -Masamune, "The Other Tanaka Meat"
MAIL OF THE MOMENT:
Just visited your pixel porn page, very cool!! Just a few points;
The metal gear solid link doesn't work, but I used my imagination; dead guards piled on top of each other, Snake in any one of his dubious positions, Raiden getting a fisting. Um, I think I made the ladt one up. :-S
I really enjoyed the page, although I don't know if you know, but another site has done something very similar. I don't think you've copied these guys since you have more original ideas, but what the hell:
It just rocks! Take a look. :)
I am going to be haunted with images of Yoshi and Mario exchanging fluids all night long now. Thanks a lot! :-O
Kato responds from inside his iron lung: "Hey, Shreen, I am very happy for you to be enjoying this shit, dude! I am re-uploading the Metal Gear Solid 2 video to a new location, so now you should be able to view it.
As for the page link you sent to me, I have nothing to say, but you should check out these following movies... I think you'll really enjoy them!"
June 20, 2004:
June 10, 2004: It's now official: Super Smash Bros. Melee is filled with so much accidental pr0n that I believe it is a pr0n game. Very shameful, and I may have to disqualify it! We'll see. But for now, Pikachu is the hottest pornstar in video gaming!!
Many angry props to adam, anthex, devil, Giiizmo, Jonathan Evans, maRKUs, Ron, and Zlatko for their pr0n contributions this time. And also to Loren Armitage, again! To him I think my empire of pr0n will go after I die! But Tanaka-san is still pretty healthy, no?
See you next update, homies! -NP
MAIL OF THE MOMENT:
"I recently saw your site, and it was nuts. XD Even though you can't use it on your site since it's not fullscreen and has no background, I thought you might get a kick out of this picture that came from the Super Famicom game Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon R. We were playing Netplay on the ZSNES emulator and just happened to pause it as this happened. It was so hilarious at the time. He said: "It looks like he was dropped from a plane, his target: her ass" HAHAHA! Well, I wish I could get a full screen shot of it, but since it's so hard to get shots like this on purpose, I'll just show you this anyways just for the heck of it. If by some chance I ever get a full image of it, I'll send it your way. =)"
-Guy van Rachmaninof
Hey dude you are really sick! Good job!
March 15, 2004: Oh, I must have turned on the HOT PR0N FAUCET and forgot to turn it off, because my e-mail is overflowing with HOT PR0N. You readers make me so happy, you know that? Too many pr0n to list here, just go to the gallery and check them out!
Thank you mukor keletappi, BEN EVERETT, Ecclesia, Trey Pleasant, Emanuele Lo-Presti, Hunter, Rob Veldt, Rubb|sh, and Nicholas Burman. And special "two-thumbs up" to Loren Armitage for sending me the most pr0n yet! You are one sick dude, dude! -NP
March 6, 2004: I have some hot pr0n for you today, folks: Grand Theft Auto: VC and some more SWAT 3 lovin'. It looks like their is still hot video game pr0n out there, I'm very happy!! But please remember to follow the rules of submitting the pr0n - I still receive the images that look like it was taken in the heats of passion.
Many thanks to nN and aL Mccali for their relentless pursuit of the hottest pr0n in today's games. -NP
February 25, 2004: Many thanks go to insert credit for linking this wonderful website. They are also very wonderful, so visit them as well.
My hope is that I receive some good pics from this advertisement, for I have received nothing but such pathetic images these past weeks: one grainy image from Counterstrike depicting one man's hand on another's butt and a photo of somebody's grandma playing Tetris without clothes on. This is not good, dear readers.
I have almost resorted to playing BMXXX at my friend's house... save me. -NP
February 4, 2004: My dear friends, my humblest apologies for leaving you for so long without your piping hot injection of video game porn. There comes a time in a man's lifetime where even the sweet excitement of seeing the hot pixels conjoined in heated love-making cannot sustain. Then, that man must go on a "spiritual journey of the mind and body". Well, that is exactly what I did, my friend.
My journey took me to the very top of the world, where I met with a great master by the name of INDORA. INDORA taught me to channel my inner self into an outward creation, so that the vibrant chakra of excitement can overwhelm the brain. Then, he let me know the fundamental secret of my life. "Kato," he said, "you must not stray from your task of providing the hottest video game porn to the world. That is your destiny." I could feel that he did not tell a lie - I left in peace.
So I have returned, and my love for video game porn has not abated. And neither has yours, apparently, for even in my absence you have continued to send me pictures that excite the very fibers of my brain and between my thighs. Let this be a new age of lust and adventure for our loins! -NP